Monday, June 25, 2007

Sword Dropping Moments

As a woman functioning in a predominately male vocation challenges present themselves from time to time that tend to make me more confident in my calling. To say that I am secure in my calling as a woman minister would be accurate however, that truth is connected to an occasional loneliness that kicks in from time to time. Although that loneliness is not a standard staple in the “power toolbox” of the confident woman in ministry, nonetheless it is a crowbar that will cause even a powerhouse pain. I call these moments “sword dropping moments.”

I cannot count the number of times I have stood toe to toe with the enemy raising my sword, declaring the Word, walking in the anointing of Almighty God when out of nowhere my calling is challenged, or a comment meant to disable me is made, or fill in the blank. This is an incredibly lonely place- I’m sure you can relate. It is at those times I complete whatever it is I was doing then I run to Daddy God, drop my sword and collapse at His feet.

Twila Paris released a song in the 80’s that has been churning within me as of late. “Warrior is a Child” is one of those songs that basically make you fall to your knees and sob at the feet of Daddy God. And if you have been looking for me lately that is where I have been. At His feet, in His lap, in His arms, I’ve been with Him.

“Warrior is a Child” (Twila Paris)
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armorThe warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just awhile
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

I am being as honest, open and transparent as ever. I had a “sword dropping” couple of days last week. At the peak of celebration in what God was doing through meI was challenged in a way that hit me to the core. My calling, my training, education, anointing, and confidence was under attack by people who knew better. It hurt, it hurt badly, but something in me would not “retreat.”

It’s funny because though the situation most definitely got my attention, it did not shake me. I won’t lie though, I ran straight to the feet of Jesus, dropped my sword and wept. As I lay there I realized some things. First, although my heart was wounded, it was not broken. As I cried out to Him from the very depth of my being I became more and more aware of His presence and His anointing on me. Instead of being handicapped by the words that were spoken and barriers that were erected I was instead provoked to overcome all that was coming against. I felt a holy urgency in my spirit that has since turned into a tenacious flame that is only growing stronger. I’m not talking about a spark either I am talking about a blaze.

That blaze has provoked me to pick up my sword, dust myself off and forge ahead. I know who I am in Christ. I am confident in my calling. And I know this challenge will serve as a springboard that will propel me into the next level of my destiny in Christ!

Philippians 1:6 “And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.” (Amplified)

1 comment:

Penless Thoughts said...

Touching post Tara and so open and truthful. I always admire that in people because I personally feel it is so necessary. I am writting on Philippians 1:6 tomorrow :o) It is my life verse.